6 hours of Portland rent

This lady keeps asking Olive to walk her dog for $5 a day. That is $5 or aprox. 6 hours of Portland rent.
Not gonna happen.
Ironically she was rude to our teen son who has the time and thinks $5 is a fortune but unfortunately she burned that bridge the first day.
I don't think he is fashionable enough for the dog anyway.

Grapegate!

I followed a trail of clues and solved a problem. I live in a house that rents out rooms. 
This morning I went to the bathroom to clean out a paintbrush in the sink. 
It quickly filled up with water. So I boiled a bit of water and poured it down to maybe free the obstruction. I could see a flash of purple when I gave a look with my bike light. 
So I turned both spigots on and furiously started doing the plunger businesses on this sink. 
Yes! I grabbed an emaciated grape. 
Still the sink was clogged so I plunged on. 
I was getting debris that I couldn't readily identify. 
I seemed like someone dissolved a cardboard box into the drain. Then I started making out that it was food. Former food to be precise. 
The smell informed me that It had already been in somebody. 
We live in a "Foodie" hot spot. I'm guessing someone over-imbibed and then puked into the sink during the night. 
I learned right away that the folks who rent rooms here are not shagging (those folks go to motels) or binge drinking. These cats came to eat. 
I'm more than happy to add another notch on my plunger handle for crazy stuff I have pulled up. 
The most exotic thing I ever found was the contents of a jar of pickles flushed down a Ptown warehouse commode. 
After lunch one day the receptionist had clogged the toilette the natural way. She then decided to add all the pickles knowing it was gonna be up to me to plunge. She never told me why she flushed the pickles. 
It was a red herring but I didn't know that. 
I cleared the situation and reported to her. 
"I found out why your pickles weren't going down...they were blocked by some turdlettes. Maybe next time you should flush the pickles first, then take a dump."
 LOL.

Single serving friends to remember.

Our life is like mice constantly negotiating a maze only we are creating a maze behind us as well. 
That means we change directions so frequently that regular friend relationships are problematic. Living in a house with constant random traffic affords us "single serving friends" that we can relate to but have no obligation to run into again. 
Don't get me wrong. We love our locals too but running into them on the random or to serve a goal works for us while sitting around does not. It wears out our social batteries. 
Single serving friends it is.
Many times we hit it off with our S.S.F.s and are very sad when they go.
They would make great neighbors.
We just had a pair of women from opposite sides of the country come through. One was here for work and the other flew cross country just to enjoy her friend. 
They were only here a short time but still it felt like we were long term roomies. They felt like old friends and moved around the house confidently.
I love when you find out someone was poly-amourous or vegan in the first conversation, this duo gave us one of each. We thought it was charming that they really enjoyed playing cards with each other. Lots of folks would be staring at phones. When they left, we were busy doing a kid exchange with co-parent. It was too fast and busy a goodbye to tell them how profoundly enjoyable it was being co-habitants. Lots of folks meet in Ptown from other places. 
It's a joy to be all up in that.
The other room was occupied by a lovely woman from No-Cal.
We didn't know anything about her until her last night.
She was sad and a bit tipsy.
That is how we learned she was here for a funeral.
An elder in her family had passed away, she paid her respects and now she was going home with heavy heart. It was our dinner time but Olive got up and started trying to make her comfortable. 
We don't own or work for the room renter but we are handy to have around because we are compassionate and very nosy.
The lady had questions of her own.
"Really, you two are clowns? Do ya juggle?"
We told her that juggling wasn't in our toolbox.
Portland has some of the best jugglers I have ever seen. I never saw a point in competing with those big fish.
"Too bad, I got these tennis balls from the funeral."
She pulled out some tballs and threw them at Olive. 
They hit it off by not juggling and talking about life. 
My son and I were cracking up because Olive sounded as tipsy as our guest but she hadn't touched a drop. She is just fun.
They were all laughing until Olive asked
"Why were there Tennis balls at the funeral?"
The lady got sad again.
"There was a little dog who belonged to the deceased. The elderly doggy also passed away after losing will to live."
What a double downer. They soon shook it off and retired to the kitchen to talk about pleasant things.
Early flight so we didn't get to say goodbye...we still have the tennis balls though.

During holidays we get a lot of folks from Othercountrystan.

 This weekend the rooms have two pair of 20somethings from I'm guessing Asian countries like Japan or maybe the Seattle. There is a language barrier but that didn't stop lots of convos. 
One was water coloring last night as we sat around. Found this on the fridge this morning. 
I'm delighted that she drew lips on me. Last I checked I have no lips, just an awkward opening. Maybe she drew us open mouthed. 
One of the other women wasn't at all intrigued by clowns, a huge jar of pot on the dining table or the "no Perfume" rule. She was intrigued that our place houses multi generational people who aren't blood family. "You mean you aren't related to the home owner in any way?" 
I hadn't thought of it so strongly because that's always whats up. "I'm on her Friends list...does that count?" 
I don't think the two pair of guests ever actually met each other. They are doing different shifts of vaykay it would seem. 
The way we are all related is that somehow almost everyone in the house is menstruating. It's a super clean house but I can tell because the trash bins are overflowing with packaging and entering the bathroom I'm overwhelmed with the scent of iron. #goodtimes

empty nesters

A young man from Denmark is in one of the rooms. He is keeping to himself.
Works for me, The other room has a nice couple from Seattle.
This is their first weekend being "Empty Nesters"
The couple dropped their son off in the Burbs and decided to have a Portland weekend.
As the two arrived on the dark porch I was sitting in the dark wearing only a kilt and fishnets,
talking to you on the internet, practicing a YoYo with my big toe and chomping on a joint the size of a jumbo crayon. I wasn't expecting company.
I fell all over myself trying to get me together. I dropped the cherry of my joint down my leg, lost my yoyo and spilled my coffee, then I clamored over to the keypad and typed them in.
They just looked at me smiling like I was a raccoon with a jar stuck on my head.
I showed them the house and rooms. She loved talking to Olive and I because we both had lots of the day's residual glitter on still. We sparkle when we talk.
After they showered and slept a bit they met me back out front.
The two had taken 19 y.o.kid on a last family camping trip.
They camped next to a Latino family. Across the river another family were upset at the brown family's existence.
They we shouting about the wall and "go back" epithets while parading around with guns.
So the family decided to crank up some Do Wop music to drown them out.
The Latinos family were all into that they said.
After the camping trip they dropped Sonny off with his Dad.
Dad said "You going to Portland? Watch out...they got them Antiffas down there and they WILL jump you."
(I listen to the cop radio a lot. The people getting jumped are typically gay or black.)
She told her Ex. "I'm not a fascist so I'll be fine." Of course what she found was more friendly people than she has seen in a long time. They love how nice we are around here compared to the Emerald City.
We talked about the whole "empty nest" situation. I was excited for them.
Great time to reinvent themselves and they know it.
We said goodnight. I didn't get to say goodbye to them but they left a lovely review about us.



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Someone in the neighborhood clearly wants to make my day.

Just noticed someone made flags for those disgusting "Power ups" that are all over the place. 

I wonder if the people who do this are the same who throw cig buts in the road?

 "Power ups" are what we call little bags of dog poop that unscrupulous people leave all over the place.

Guess they never heard of a "social contract."

Seems like it would be easier to dispose of these correctly (and keep their dignity).

Up late watching the roof

Up late watching the roof (that I sleep on the other side of).
There is a hail of mortar fireworks flying around.
I'm kickin it by the hose.
Crowds of roving revelers are stumbling around. Some hollering, "Happy Halloweeeen!" as they slap each other into bushes.
I'm always tickled by the clip clopping of drunk heels negotiating dark sidewalks. It's like jazz drumming.

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Dead fish on the doorstep.

We found some cryptic gifts on our porch.
Upon opening the one with my name on it, I found a dead fish in a lovely box.
Olive got a vial of Christmas scented essential oils.
The fish is a callback.
Earlier this year we did some house sitting for friends.
I wrote a long dry-erase board novel about what happened every day of the two weeks.
In the tale I wove
their fish actually died (from me registering that I fed it three times a day).
I told them on the last day that I replaced the fish with an exact replica.
In actuality the fish was fine until now.
Little did I know that 6 months later I would have the product of my fisherman's tail.

That wuz weeerd,

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Thanks! It's a great town to be a clown.

A couple of very tall, elegant, French women are walking around our kitchen making tea.

We were doing the silent co-existing maneuver that is so popular in elevators, when one of them noticed a jar on the kitchen table: "Izzat?"

Me: "Oui c'est, madame. That is indeed, a honking, huge jar of chronic."
Her: "Croonik?"
"It's weed lady, the whole neighborhood's gone to pot. Help yourself but be careful, it's strong.
Made of Oregon sunshine."
She said: "Portland is like Amsterdam."
Me: "No, I'm pretty sure they have universal healthcare there. Here if we get sick or hurt, they want us to die or work till we die of old age. Murika."
Her: "I see why you like deu pot."
Me: "Oui, Madame."

Hope ya got some laughs from this blog
Like what we do?
We live out of a tip jar (sometimes chicken sometimes feathers) if you are in a place to keep our sunny side up and rubber side down then feel free to drop off a donation at our website.
http://oliveanddingo.com/donate/


Thanks! It's a great town to be a clown.

A young S. Korean woman just walking into the kitchen wearing only a tiny shirt and panties.

She was very embarrassed to see me and apologized over and over as she backpedaled out of the room. 
Now we are even. When we met this morning, I was only wearing a towel. 
I hope she knows I don't care. 
I'm somewhere between indifferent and slightly amused. 
She came back with some clothes on asking me to help her open a huge bottle of IPA. 
I think she may be the shyest party animal on the block.

Hope ya got some laughs from this blog
Like what we do?
We live out of a tip jar (sometimes chicken sometimes feathers) if you are in a place to keep our sunny side up and rubber side down then feel free to drop off a donation at our website.
http://oliveanddingo.com/donate/

Thanks! It's a great town to be a clown.

Meanwhile... folks bring our fans to us in magnificent vehicles.

Hope ya got some laughs from this blog
Like what we do?
We live out of a tip jar (sometimes chicken sometimes feathers) if you are in a place to keep our sunny side up and rubber side down then feel free to drop off a donation at our website.
http://oliveanddingo.com/donate/

Thanks! It's a great town to be a clown.

Owner of the house next door is a total tool.

The family renting next door has moved away.  The little boy who lived there said he would be very sad moving away from the clowns. That is hilarious because in the year we been here he has never said a word to us.

We hear the owner of the place was not so pleasant and we found that out when he came over and demanded we remove all gardening-ness from his property. That means everything to the right (in his mind) had to go. The reality is that he has a crappy slightly fallen fence that he refuses to take down even tho mother nature has partly done that job for him. This fence only lines up a few feet from his house. So there's an argument to be made that our garden is still on our side... 

Nonetheless we are happy to chat with his grumpy self and he won't have it. 

I gave him the stinkeye because he was rude to the Inn Keeper here.

This guy was playing with fire in that respect.

Olive and I guard the Inn Keeper fiercely.

His plan, now that the fam moved out, is to fix the house up and sell it so he can go bring his version of sunshine to Arizona. 

(Sorry Arizona. I know your state is already packed with total tools).

Looks like this fence is about to go after all. Anyway, let's keep trying to get along y'all. Tear down the fences! 

Meanwhile...we are patrolling our turf

I met a handsome doctor last night ooooh!

 LOL ok we already met. He is staying in one of the rooms that rent in our place. Last night Olive was out of town. Steven is a mid-30-something Doc from New Zealand. 
He was visiting Corvallis tracking down distant relatives and decided to take a few days on Puddletown. 
We traded life stories last night as he watched me eat a plate of bacon. He said he has been trying to do at least one ink drawing per day. I asked him if he wanted to do some art with me by way of video taping a bike ride. 
He was all over it. There is avid cycling in NZ but nothing to the scale of Portland. 
I lent him a beach cruiser and we took off. I asked him what he wanted to see and he mentioned the big mural by the tracks with plants growing out of it. 
He noticed it from the bus and wanted a better look. I was glad that he was narrating into the gopro with that amazing accent. 

When we got there we noticed how cool the mural was and also noticed I neglected to bring SD cards for both gopros (like a ditz). No footage night, bummer. 
So we lit out exploring 11pm Portland. 
We rolled downtown and over the Tillicum bridge twice. He kept looking at the infrastructure and saying "Wow, so fancy." I enjoyed rolling with him and discovered it's really easy to get medical advice from a doc when you are asking about an ailment you don't have. 
I got him telling me all about dysentery and child birth. I learned a lot. 
We discussed so much, it really should have been a podcast. He had heaps of questions about clowning, our life and of course Patch Adams. It's a bit of a struggle rolling with folks who aren't conditioned to ride fast for hours like us. He did well and immediately passed out in his room when we got back. That''s what's up Doc.
Hope ya got some laughs from this blog
Like what we do?
We live out of a tip jar (sometimes chicken sometimes feathers) if you are in a place to keep our sunny side up and rubber side down then feel free to drop off a donation at our website.
http://oliveanddingo.com/donate/


Thanks! It's a great town to be a clown.

Little A and Friend gardening with Olive at our pad yesterday.

 I'm so stoked that she has been in my life so many years. 

The very last thing I did at the Clown House was ride away with her on the back of the Behemoth. 
She continues to be incredibly supportive and a joy to be around. 

 Olive and Lil A are very tight. She is an expert gardener and really gave us some amazing insights about growing things. This is the first year in O&I's time together that we are able to grow anything. 
Before it was just grimey "Partment's parking lot. 
Lil A showed us how to grow our wig tree really well.

Hope ya got some laughs from this blog
Like what we do?
We live out of a tip jar (sometimes chicken sometimes feathers) if you are in a place to keep our sunny side up and rubber side down then feel free to drop off a donation at our website.
http://oliveanddingo.com/donate/

Thanks! It's a great town to be a clown.

meanwhile...this is the first year we were in the Division parade and actually live here

We did this parade so many times. Usually we don't have such a short commute.

Hope ya got some laughs from this blog
Like what we do?
We live out of a tip jar (sometimes chicken sometimes feathers) if you are in a place to keep our sunny side up and rubber side down then feel free to drop off a donation at our website.
http://oliveanddingo.com/donate/

Thanks! It's a great town to be a clown.

Canada in both rooms

Canada in the house. 
We stay in a house that rents out rooms. 
I'm delighted to hear some hallway introductions. 
They are just realizing they are all from Vancouver.
 "Neighbors at home and in the States!" 
In one room are a pair of 20 something women who are exploring the world and in the other a 30 something couple on vacay. I love that the couple brought their bikes with them. 
Everyone is dialed into all the things to do in Portland so they don't need "single serving friends". 
 I'm glad the clowns have this opportunity to be (or not to be) single serving friends to people from all over the world.

Hope ya got some laughs from this blog
Like what we do?
We live out of a tip jar (sometimes chicken sometimes feathers) if you are in a place to keep our sunny side up and rubber side down then feel free to drop off a donation at our website.
http://oliveanddingo.com/donate/


Thanks! It's a great town to be a clown.

I get gifted remnants of the pot safaris

When the guests leave they often give me the remainder of their weed (and lighters) that they bought. Can't take it on the plane. Bummer.
I know it sounds like a boon for Dingo (it is, they saves me a lot of money)
but I'm not all about me. I want them to keep their stuff.
 I want them to take it home and show the red states how green our thumbs are here. 
They tell me how back home, herb is treated like it's a hard drug. It's a big part of filling those private prison cells. 
:) Last night a couple from Kansas gave me this little can o goodies and a bunch of joints. 
Deelighted. I threw it in the pile with the rest of them. 
Pretty sweet perk but I do wish they could take their stuff home.Then late last night I dipped into it and realized...whooo, this is kind of strong. 
I like a head change but I'm never a fan of being intoxicated. 
I'm all about the neighborhood homegrown so I gotta remember to read the labels.
People on weed safari get the real fire. I guess that's why they never finish it. 

Hope ya got some laughs from this blog
Like what we do?
We live out of a tip jar (sometimes chicken sometimes feathers) if you are in a place to keep our sunny side up and rubber side down then feel free to drop off a donation at our website.
http://oliveanddingo.com/donate/

Thanks! It's a great town to be a clown.

Meanwhile...we still enjoy riding in rain

Meanwhile...we couldn't make it to a personal appearance. They asked Olive to make them a giant balloon Narwhal instead.

Hope ya got some laughs from this blog
Like what we do?
We live out of a tip jar (sometimes chicken sometimes feathers) if you are in a place to keep our sunny side up and rubber side down then feel free to drop off a donation at our website.
http://oliveanddingo.com/donate/

Thanks! It's a great town to be a clown.